I Saw Your Mommy's Panties


I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again - some parents should never be allowed to become parents. They are simply too ignorant and inconsiderate to be raising a young child. Most of them are still raising themselves. These parents don’t know how to behave properly and, therefore, are incapable of teaching their children the art of proper behavior. Rude parents will not bring up polite children. What’s really sad is that these “adults” see nothing wrong with what they are doing or the impact it could have on their children. Surviving during the school years is hard enough without Mommy and Daddy adding fuel to the teasing flames.


With school back in full swing, I have resumed the task of picking up the 8 year-old. Every day it’s a battle not to go off on some idiot that should have been halted from ever breeding. They are too busy trying to snatch their offspring from the clutches of the public school system that they won’t slow down enough to provide for their child’s safety.


Just the other day I was inching forward in the Patient People Pickup Lane at our girl’s elementary school when, while I was moving mind you, this father stepped out in front of me dragging his daughter along behind him while the two chatted away about what they would do if they survived the parking lot. He gave me the small hand wave, which most people assume is a Thank You for not running their jaywalking bodies over. To these people I say, “You are not Superman. Your puny arm will not stop my moving van and yes, I am willing to test your abilities.”


I don’t know about the rest of you but when someone gives me that little hand wave before I even offered to let them in front of me just raises my hackles. I just want to run them over anyway. And what is he teaching his daughter? That arrogance will keep you from getting your ass run over? He isn’t protecting his child and he isn’t preparing her to walk home on her own. He’s setting her up to get seriously hurt one day.


I can understand a parent not wanting to wait in a long pickup line to get their child. They’re in a hurry and need to get home before General Hospital comes on. Perhaps they feel that just sitting there allowing their car to idle for fifteen minutes is a waste of gas, gas that they will need in order to make it to the 7-11 to purchase lottery tickets and beer. They have every right to park in the faculty parking lot and along ditches so they can walk up to the front of the school and retrieve their child - as long as they do it safely and don’t risk their child and others becoming road kill before they are even off of school grounds. If they can’t manage that, they should be forced to wait in line or their child put on a bus. It’ll be safer for everyone.


Furthermore, if the students have to abide by a dress code to attend the school, then the parents should have to abide by one whenever coming to the school, even if it’s a five-minute drop off or pickup. Leave your club outfits for the clubs and the pajamas at home or for your convenience store trips. I’m not saying you have to dress up, but for god’s sake, at least dress decent. Children don’t want to be known as the kid whose mother dresses like a bag lady.


The other day, I was waiting in line to rescue the teachers from the 8 year-old, minding my own business. I use the time while waiting to catch up on some more writing if I’m not lost in Angry Birds and this day I was working on some edits when some movement to my side caught my attention. Walking down the middle of the long entrance drive - not the sidewalk or even the side of the road, mind you - walked a lady wearing thin white pants and the brightest yellow panties ever made. I know the color of her underwear as well as the style, because they shouted out through her pants “Look at me!” Suddenly, I felt embarrassed for her child.


Children can be mean and if they see a chance to get the unwanted attention off of them and onto someone else, they will take it in order to survive the bully-infested waters of school. It’s a natural instinct and the mother just made her child the one in the spotlight.


“Hey, Johnnie! I see your Mommy’s underwear!” Laughter erupts all around. “Why did she even bother to wear pants if she wanted everyone to know what color panties she had on?”


“I can even see your momma’s booty! I bet your daddy is so proud!” And others chime in because as long as Johnnie is getting picked on, they are left alone.


Do your children a favor. Before walking out of your front door and onto school property, check yourself in the mirror. You may want attention, but I promise you, your child doesn’t. They want to make it through the school day without being cast out of the social circle and into exile. Save the costumes for when you go shopping at Wal-Mart. I don’t shop there, so I won’t have to look at you.


And don’t act like just because it’s your child you can act and do what you want. If you want to be that way, then I suggest you take up home schooling. Then you can stay in your pajamas all day long. The faculty at a school has taken the responsibility of not only educating your offspring, but also seeing to their safety while they are in their care. They do not need you jumping into what already resembles a mound of angry ants with your belligerent attitude. They need your patience and manners. It’ll do your children a world of good if you give it to them.


And for crying out loud, stop showing off your underwear!



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