Pity Party Guest List


The girls and I love to throw parties, whether it’s a themed extravaganza with fifty plus guests or a more intimate gathering with our closest and dearest with the grill going and drinks flowing. What can I say? We are social bugs, and most weekends will have us busy with entertaining. With the summer month about to descend upon us, the back yard is being spruced up and new seating areas set up. The door’s open, so feel free to pop in and take a dip in the pool.


Parties are celebratory events with laughter and a positive air about them. The mood is enthusiastic and cheer is not just in a glass, but in hearts and minds, as well. However, some people insist on throwing a pity party for themselves instead of choosing the more positive aspects of life. You are probably quite familiar with the hosts of the events. They’re the Eeyore’s of the group where even on the brightest day they are surrounded by rain storms. If there’s a negative to be found, they’re going to find it and exploit it.


In the old days - I can’t believe I’m old enough to say in the old days - the parties were kept to a select few. The host would surround himself with those who would help keep the party going and they would celebrate their misery well into the future. With the advent of social media, however, those invited to the whine fest has grown exponentially. The party lasts longer, because there are more attendees with likes, retweets, shares, and too many comments. The tears flow, the digital drinks are shared, and the feeding frenzy of negativity rivals the nature shows during Shark Week.


One thing I have noticed is that as negative as negativity is, it seems to always draw a crowd. A pity party always has plenty of guests willing to fuel the flames of Woe Is Me and they don’t even have to know what’s really going on. They don’t care about facts or truth just a good bitch fest that they can join in and slander someone they more than likely don’t even know. If it wasn’t so sad to watch, it would be entertaining as people make asses out of themselves jumping on a band wagon that is sorely out of tune.

As I’ve watched some of these parties recently, I’ve noticed the type of people who partake in the celebration. Perhaps you’ve noticed them as well.


The Cheerleaders

First are the cheerleaders of Woe. They don’t have a stake in what is going on. They don’t even have the full story. Yet, it doesn’t matter. There’s a pity party going on and they want to join in with their pom poms of righteous indignation.


“You are being mistreated, you poor baby!”


“Death to the person who doesn’t cater to your precious whims!”


"You’re such a valiant person. How could anyone not see that and bow to you?”



Listen to me!!!

The dialog and acting doesn’t even rate a B movie. I’ve heard better lines in pornos - not that I watch porn, mind you. It’s what I’ve heard. No, really.


These people don’t care about right or wrong, fair or unfair. They don’t even care that it’s none of their business. They are petty and bored and attending pity parties is their hobby. It’s cheaper, I suppose, than collecting stamps.


The Encouragers

These are still not interested in right or wrong. They are there to assist the host of the party to rise above it. They have a pat on the back ready and a positive smile. “You’re better than this. You can rise above it.”


“What doesn’t kill you makes you strong. Are you dead, yet? No? Then carry on my wayward son.”


They are the coach cheering them over the hurdle and on to the finish line. They are positive reinforcement as opposed to negative enhancers.


The Peace Keepers

These guests bring balance to the party. They hate to see the suffering, but they realize there is more to the story. They encourage a fair shake of the situation and stand on the fence waving the white flag, calling for a truce. The peace keepers act as the conscience to the party. They try to get the host to see reason and silence his desperate bouts of attention seeking.


They actually have the hardest task, because the one having the pity party doesn’t care about the other side or the skewed version he is spewing of a situation. All they care about is that people feel sorry for their plight, even if they’re the ones who caused it. Everything should bend in the host’s favor and they don’t appreciate the peace keeper’s attempts of straightening it out, though they may say they do.


The No Shows

Out of all of those on the guest list the majority fall into this final category. They are the ones who simply don’t participate. They don’t chime in with their two cents and high and mighty opinions of what is right or wrong. They see the drama, scroll past it and share the latest George Takai photo. If you feed a person’s hunger for attention, they only crave more. It’s a drug to them that has to be savored for them to enjoy life. Those who don’t show up are not interested in partaking of the cold dish the host is serving.


To be honest, this is the group we should all be in. There’s no fun to be had at this party, only misery, and although misery loves company, quality company avoids the miserable. Who wants to surround themselves with miserable people?


Do yourself a favor. When you get an invitation to someone’s pity party, just toss the invitation in with the junk mail. It’ll be one party you’ll be glad you missed.


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